we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
