so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
