The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
no, he came in my armpit
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I need a beard to bite.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
