T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
Randomize
