I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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