Bitch is talking to much, howd u ever get her 2 shut up?
It's worth it.
How worth it?
Back door worth it
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
