just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
Randomize
