I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
