yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Randomize
