I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
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