what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
Randomize
