You kept calling me your small dog last night.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Randomize
