Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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