Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
The dick lei will go down in squad history
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
