omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
and she was petting her beer can
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
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