I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
