dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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