wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
