I just cut my nipple shaving
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
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