dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
My hand turned me down
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
