It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It all went downhill when I figured out I could launch myself into people with my crutches
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
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