he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
