my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
