I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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