Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
