If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize