The maid of honor just puked.
You're so nebulous sometimes
Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I touched a dick in church today
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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