The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
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