Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
