Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
