I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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