yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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