I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
