I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
