He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
Randomize
