i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
