she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
