Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
so much tequila, so little girl.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
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