No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
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