The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
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