He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
FUCK WHALES
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
