i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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