remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
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