So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
