If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
