it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize