you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
