hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
