what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
