I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Randomize
