sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Don't mind me, I'm just walking 2 miles across campus with no jacket, covered in highlighter, and carrying a hair extension. Gotta love miami!
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
