Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Randomize
