So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
