I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
