I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
