So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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