Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
your body is your temple. do you really want a bunch of dicks in your temple?
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Randomize
