i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
