this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
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