i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
You're the only chick there. That's not an orgy, that's called a gang bang...
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Randomize