On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
