i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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