You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
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