I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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