After last night, I could never be a politician.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Randomize
