You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
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