dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
