If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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