Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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