i wish starbucks made bloody marys
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
