Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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