Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize