The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! I REPEAT, MEAN GIRLS IS ON NETFLIX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL! I LITERALLY NOW HAVE TO CANCEL ALL OF MY WEEKEND PLANS.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
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