my room smells like sperm. sweet.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize