I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
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