You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
Randomize
