also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
I did not marry a roomba.
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