Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
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