i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
