you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
