just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
