my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
