Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I really just want to eat 20 mcnuggets and slap everyone with the box when I'm done.
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Randomize
