When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
These tits shall not be calmed
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
