omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
It's shark week go big or go home
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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