i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
