does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
