You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
