There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Randomize
