There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
