Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Randomize
