Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I AM VODKA MAN
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Randomize
