Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
