Barsexuality is the new black.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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