I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
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