apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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