so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
How does one acquire holy water?
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
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