im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
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