I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
