i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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