i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
