No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
