I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
