she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
well shes beginning to earn a reputation as "the girl who tries to bone her hook ups in the ass with a pickle"
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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