I wannas sexs uuuuu
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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